Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Saving Your Girlfriend or Boyfriend

You can't. No matter what you do, how kind you are, or how great of a partner you are, you cannot "save" the person you are with. It is not your job to rehabilitate, train, fix, or put them through a re-education process. And while there are the rare true stories of men and women who "rescue" someone from the emotional, sexual, and/or economic bottoms, even then, it's the person themselves who develops wholeness again. They have to want to be healthy and liberated from the inside, otherwise all the love in the world from a partner, or anyone, won't be enough.

People in healthy, conscious relationships are not primarily in the role of therapist or surrogate parent. They either know when to offer support and constructive criticism, or they admit not knowing exactly what to do and are willing to fumble together - with some compassion - through whatever muck and confusion are arising. A healthy partner also learns to understand their partner's patterns and needs enough to know when to step back, and let them do their own work.

I don't have much more to say today. Mostly, I just wanted to offer a few words to counter all those out there who are busy trying to save their significant others. Instead of doing so, save your time and energy for something or someone else. I bet you'll be a lot more joyful in the long run.

1 comment:

  1. Very true. I know a woman who abuses alcohol, and drugs at one point, bounces from man to man, and had a car accident (I do not believe it was an accident). She is very beautiful but also very empty inside. Rather than work on herself, she looks for "external solutions for internal pollution". Every man that tires to help her ends of up getting used and hurt. Luckily I did not get pulled into her mess and have maintained my self respect.