Saturday, May 26, 2012

The Majority of "Dating Crimes" Are In Our Heads

People will make drama out of the most ridiculous things. The premise of this blog post, that getting friend requests from people you go on dates with is awful and annoying, is a great example.

I left the following response to the post, which may or may not be published.

The thing is that this is your preference. Perhaps he likes to friend people quickly. Or uses FB as a networking tool. Or in any number of other ways that aren’t creepy.

I completely agree with you in wanting to keep a guard around your FB page from random guys you date. At the same time, you are the one choosing to make a big deal out of his request, and then calling him a “fool” and other such names.

There’s no reason why you can’t let the request sit, and if you liked the guy enough to go out again, simply go out again and say you’re not ready to be FB friends yet. His handling of that would be a good sign of whether he can respect boundaries or not.

Frankly, it sounds like you weren’t really interested in this guy anyway. Not enough to cut him any slack for something that is really minor in the big scheme. And again, something that you still have control over. He simply looked up your name and clicked a button. He can’t get in any further unless you let him.

Drama over issues like this is a waste of energy. And while it might feel powerful to fluff your feathers and get all offended, it's actually a demonstration of immaturity. You think you are so special that everyone should instantly know exactly what might upset you, and act accordingly. That you are entitled to being treated like royalty, and anything less than that is a point of judgement and rejection.

And in case you think otherwise, I want to be clear: this isn't a gender-specific thing. I have witnessed entirely too many men who flip their lips at the smallest tease from a woman, or a single direct question about some issue they are sensitive about. "Why didn't you go out with her again? She said World of Warcraft is stupid." I thought you really liked so and so? Well, I did. Until she started questioning my skills. What skills? My skills, man. I don't need some high maintenance woman. That second exchange is indicative of how a lot of men are often unable to pinpoint what got them upset. They just know that something pissed them off, or hurt them, and operate from the vagueness.

Regardless of whether you get lost in a detailed list of offenses, or are acting out from the trigger that came from something unnamed or forgotten, the end result tends to be misery. And misery attracts company, which is why blogs and books riddled with bitching and moaning about the "dating crimes" committed by others are so popular.


  1. This is interesting!
    For me, if someone sends me a friend request in fb and then when I look at his profile I didn't know him well I don't his friend request.

    I'm not that mean but I'm just protecting myself from someone I didn't know. Sometimes accepting unknown fb users will lead you to danger. As we all know there are lots of posers out there so it's better to be careful.

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