Saturday, February 4, 2012
People Are Too Into "Having Options" These Days
I just talked to a friend of mine who has been seeing someone for about 2 1/2 months now. A little while back, he asked her if she was interested in a relationship with him, and she said there is "potential."
In a blog post I read this morning, the author wrote about having too many options, but also liking to date folks with busy schedules and who aren't "needy" or "clingy."
On another blog, several men complained about not getting enough responses from women online, and yet, at least a few seemed quick to reject the idea of making a commitment, which makes me wonder what their dating profiles say.
A few weeks back, I read a story about a woman who fell in love rather quickly, and then started having a few doubts about the relationship. Almost the entire comment thread was filled with people telling her that the guy was probably hiding something, or that falling in love quickly is always trouble, or that she might get burned. All of which has some truth to it, but at the same time, so many of the comments seemed built on projections,and were not responding to the given story.
I think many of us are addicted to options. To keeping the door open in case something else better is found around the corner. We've been marketed to in this way endlessly. Our schooling is filled with messages that having choices is the pinnacle of freedom.
All the while, when we have too many choices, we tend to suffer, feel overwhelmed, and often choose to stay in limbo. It's like the obsession with multitasking, which seems like a good skill, but which research is proving to be much more a liability than anything else.
You can't develop a deep, conscious relationship with someone if you're juggling two, three, or four others at the same time. You also can't develop that relationship if part of you believes someone better might come along someday.
Perhaps someone better will come along someday, but what about RIGHT NOW? Where are you now?
In the end, you can't really love someone if your multitasking your relationship. It's just fine if you're just into something casually. But if you want something more, you're fooling yourself behaving in ways like this.