Thursday, January 12, 2012

Listening to Your Heart's Desire

When I truly listen to what my heart is calling out, and trust it's wisdom, things tend to turn out well. Which isn't to say that everything goes "my way," but more that whatever happens, I am fully at peace. There's little or no second guessing. No frantic worrying spinning out in all directions. No guilt, shame, or long lasting suffering.

In an age where we have 24/7 access to other peoples' opinions, and are surrounded by an endless amount of subtle and not so subtle cues about what dating and relationships "should" look like, it's difficult to not get hooked by something "out there." You hear about the latest best seller dating book and think "Maybe that will have the answers I need." Or maybe your friends and family are constantly giving you opinions about who you are dating, and you feel torn between supporting your friends and living your own truth. Perhaps you've been taking the same approach to dating for years and find yourself feeling dead and lonely, but everyone else seems to be doing the same thing, and you're afraid to stand out in the crowd by doing something different.

If you feel swamped by all the dating opinions coming at you. If you feel stuck in patterns that don't serve you, or any relationship you are in. If you are afraid to take risks anymore because of the countless hurts you've experienced in the past.

If any or all of these are true, it's time to pause. Time to tune out the noise of the world around you and listen to what's coming up. To feel the fear. The confusion. The angst. The loneliness. To let all of that move through you until the truth of the moment calls. Everyone has had those moments when something seems to click, where all the effort to find an answer breaks down and suddenly a voice or an understanding appears and you know just what to do. A lot of us tend to think this kind of thing is accidental, or a stroke of good luck, but neither of those is really true.

You can learn to quiet down, slow down, and listen for the truth of the moment. And if you apply that skill to your dating life, I bet you'll start to see all the opinions and stories of others as just that: opinions and stories. Instead of being a slave to society's narratives about dating, or your friend's and family's narratives about dating, you can finally learn what is it that your heart desires in a relationship. And locating that, it will be that much easier to listen to the heart's desire of the person you're with. In other words, you can be fully alive and authentic with each other.

But it all starts with you, and your willingness to listen to your heart's desire, again and again.


  1. Two thoughts:

    1/. I live with depression, or at least the threat of it returning, and depression is kind of noisy and likes to drown out heart's desires (or any motivational desire at all) - and can deceive a person into thinking that what it is saying is what your heart is saying (which isn't true, of course). So it takes some digging and real thinking to figure out which thing you're hearing is actually your heart speaking. "Quieting down" often just gives depression more space to make its noise, I find shouting back helps.

    2/. It's one thing hearing a heart's desire; it's quite another knowing what to do about it!

  2. Yeah, I definitely have had plenty of experience having to dig or wade through various messages. Cause there can be a lot of junk around.

    One thing I have noticed is that I can get stuck wanting to have a full picture of what to "do about it." When I'm able to just take a step and do something in response, it seems to less stressful, and more fruitful. But sometimes, that first step is the hardest to take no doubt.

    1. My history is when I take the step without considering it first, it nearly always ends badly, and more stressful. I still take risks, but always considered ones. If I find myself saying, "this could end badly but here goes", then it doesn't as often turn out as bad as it could; if I don't stop to think that, it usually ends up worse than I imagined. (Part of that is to do with the signal/noise ratio issue, I'm sure.)

  3. Great post. There's a lot of wisdom here that rings true for me. Thank you,

  4. It's absolutly very important to know what you realy want from something to make it happen for you, it's the same with dating. you gotta know what you want from her or him before oyu start.

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