Thursday, January 12, 2012
Listening to Your Heart's Desire
When I truly listen to what my heart is calling out, and trust it's wisdom, things tend to turn out well. Which isn't to say that everything goes "my way," but more that whatever happens, I am fully at peace. There's little or no second guessing. No frantic worrying spinning out in all directions. No guilt, shame, or long lasting suffering.
In an age where we have 24/7 access to other peoples' opinions, and are surrounded by an endless amount of subtle and not so subtle cues about what dating and relationships "should" look like, it's difficult to not get hooked by something "out there." You hear about the latest best seller dating book and think "Maybe that will have the answers I need." Or maybe your friends and family are constantly giving you opinions about who you are dating, and you feel torn between supporting your friends and living your own truth. Perhaps you've been taking the same approach to dating for years and find yourself feeling dead and lonely, but everyone else seems to be doing the same thing, and you're afraid to stand out in the crowd by doing something different.
If you feel swamped by all the dating opinions coming at you. If you feel stuck in patterns that don't serve you, or any relationship you are in. If you are afraid to take risks anymore because of the countless hurts you've experienced in the past.
If any or all of these are true, it's time to pause. Time to tune out the noise of the world around you and listen to what's coming up. To feel the fear. The confusion. The angst. The loneliness. To let all of that move through you until the truth of the moment calls. Everyone has had those moments when something seems to click, where all the effort to find an answer breaks down and suddenly a voice or an understanding appears and you know just what to do. A lot of us tend to think this kind of thing is accidental, or a stroke of good luck, but neither of those is really true.
You can learn to quiet down, slow down, and listen for the truth of the moment. And if you apply that skill to your dating life, I bet you'll start to see all the opinions and stories of others as just that: opinions and stories. Instead of being a slave to society's narratives about dating, or your friend's and family's narratives about dating, you can finally learn what is it that your heart desires in a relationship. And locating that, it will be that much easier to listen to the heart's desire of the person you're with. In other words, you can be fully alive and authentic with each other.
But it all starts with you, and your willingness to listen to your heart's desire, again and again.