Monday, January 23, 2012
Does the Person You're Dating Make You Smile and Laugh?
I hear a lot about folks wanting to find someone with a good sense of humor. It's almost one of those boilerplate pieces on the "master list" each of has carries about with us.
But you know what? I don't think humor is exactly what many of us are desiring. Perhaps the word is simply shorthand, but I can imagine plenty of readers out there who have, like me, met or even dated people with great senses of humor that weren't really a good match.
I think better questions to ask are ones like the following four:
Does the person I'm with easily bring a smile to my face, sometimes without even trying to?
Is laughter a regular part of our experience together?
Does his/her's humor add to the relationship?
Are we playful together?
I have had a few short term relationships with women who sometimes used humor to blame others, or avoid conflicts. Furthermore, I have dated genuinely "funny" women with whom I rarely, if ever, felt that spontaneous smiling and joy arising with. We could laugh at each others' jokes, but there wasn't any depth beneath that. It was more like entertaining each other, and when that wasn't happening, the basic level of happiness just wasn't present for the most part.
It's worth considering what lies beneath the surface of humor. Because it's easy to be attracted to folks with a good sense of humor, but there's a lot more to a conscious relationship than being funny.