Wednesday, December 21, 2011
We had one of those lightning bolt connections - the kind of chemistry people always say they want, but which often ends up burning one or both people involved. As we made out one night, I kept thinking to myself, "Wow. This is awesome. I love spending time with this woman. She's smart and funny and sexy and blah, blah, blah." Then it hits me. Or rather she does. With a single sentence that changes everything. Pulling back a little bit, she looks me straight in the eyes, and says "I want to have a threesome with you and "so and so."
You might be thinking, "Oh, come on. Guys love that kind of thing." But that's really just a stereotype about men. It's never really been a fantasy of mine. The idea of multiples partners, whether as a one time thing or over the long term, mostly conjures up messy, dramatic images for me. The kind that make many movies box office hits. It seems hard enough to be with one person, truly be with him or her, giving your all, let alone more than one. So, when those words came out of her mouth, I was stunned out of my dreaming about where "we" might be going together.
The fortunate thing for both of us is that we ended up having an in depth talk about our sexual interests. Something people often fail to do, and then wonder why they're so miserable down the road. And we found out that we had a lot of differences, including the fact that she really wasn't into monogamy. Which was basically a relationship killer for me.
I'll be honest. I still find having these kinds of sex talks a little unnerving. And I'm not a constant follower of my own advice either. The situation in the story above was tailor made for such a discussion, but I doubt I would have had the same discussion so early on if she hadn't brought up the threesome issue.
Some people argue that the best time to share your sexual interests is before you become intimate with each other. I've done this a few times before, but am not sure it's the best way, or only way to go.
What are your thoughts about talking about sex with someone you're dating? Are you direct? What about timing? Or are you one of those people who never talks directly about it?