Thursday, December 29, 2011
Searching for Your Soulmate?
That's a road filled with landmines my friends. As is the notion that when you meet the right someone, you'll "just know."
Most of us don’t actually know how to read our gut feelings very well. We think we know what's going on, and whether someone is right for us or not, but so often, the guesses turn out wrong. Or fairly off anyway.
Why is this? Because our true experience tends to be obscured by a whole lot of artificial rules, culturally-sanctioned stories, and even silly fairy tales. You meet someone, go on a date or two, and then move on because he or she didn't blow you out of the water with hot sexiness. Or you meet someone who becomes a friend and a great relationship develops, but because you read in some dating book not to date friends, you remain single. Or you've been in a relationship for a few months, can't figure out if you love the other person or not, and so you bail. The variations are endless, but all of it comes down to a failure to access, and then listen to, your deepest wisdom.
If you're like me, you probably enjoy reading a bit of dating advice, and also other folks stories about their dating experiences. However, there's a danger to this kind of activity. Specifically, that the words and ideas of others can overtake your own if you're not careful.
Regular readers might notice that a lot of the advice I offer on this blog points back to reflecting on your experiences, cutting through internal dialogues, and paying attention to what's actually happening in your relationships. One of the main reasons for this is that I don't want MY ideas to control YOUR process. Instead, I'd like what I have to say to assist the unfolding wisdom you already have hanging around in your core.
I truly believe that we each can access a knowing about whether someone is right for us or not. However, that knowing isn’t going to happen overnight. You need to spend a significant time with someone. And you also need to repeatedly question all those stories about how it’s “supposed to be” until you see what actually is.
At the end of the day, so much of what constitutes a successful, conscious relationship depends upon each of the participants willingness to grow together. To shed yesterday's half-truths and awaken to today's callings.
So, as the new year comes upon us, set an intention to begin with yourself. To reflect upon where you have been,and what you have learned from the past. And to let go of whatever seems to be blocking your way to having true and deep connections, romantic or otherwise, filling your life.