Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Is it Just a Compliment or Something More?

I received the following message the other day from a woman on OKCupid.

Hi! I like your thoughtful profile. Best of luck to you on OKC!

Sounds like a thanks, but no thanks message, doesn't it? Well, here's the thing: I have never contacted her, nor even added her to my favorites list. So, what gives?

It could be that she's simply offering a compliment, but how often do people do that on online dating sites?

It could be that she's too shy to directly ask a question about what I wrote, or express any more direct interest, but then why did she add the last line?

Honestly, I'm not sitting around puzzling over this. In fact, I have barely paid attention to my profile over the past month, basically because I have been doing other things with my time.

Yet, it's these kind of ambiguous e-mails that I tend to spark my curiosity about what it is that people are doing on online dating sites.

In the particular case above, the rest of this woman's profile demonstrates a clear confidence in speaking about herself, to the point where it seems like it wouldn't be a big step to start a simple conversation with someone she might have some interest in. So, I am left to wonder if she's just offering a compliment, which was nice to receive, but left me wondering how best to respond.

Do any of you offer others online compliments about their profiles without having any other intention, such as hoping they'll start a conversation with you? What do you make of the e-mail I received above?

Again, I'm not tied up in knots over what the intention was behind the e-mail above, but I am curious.


  1. Its a compliment, as in the old fashioned way of saying Ive noticed you.

    Youve obviously taken the time to compose a thoughtful profile and it hasnt gone unnoticed.

    But thats all... I think


  2. Well, I did write her back and say "thank you."

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