Here's a post on a subject I tend to flunk unless I just let it happen naturally.
Patty Contenta knows a thing or two about flirting. In fact, she is probably the Queen of Flirting and even if you think you are an expert when it comes to men and flirting with them, you may just learn something new from Patty.
After you listen to Patty talking about flirting it makes you realize how positive and life affirming it really can be. If you think flirting is about luring and entrapment. Forget it. The way Patty deals with flirting it is just another tool a for being noticed. Nothing sleazy. Gentle flirting, as opposed to overt flaunting is a good thing.
So, I can imagine that this kind of approach of cultivating flirting skills, and then learning when to employ them, works for some folks. I like the positive, life affirming focus presented here as well.
But this just isn't what works for me. If I like someone, the demonstration of that just has to happen on it's own time. Place a limited time frame around me and I'm screwed. Which tends to mean that women who have wanted the deal sealed on a first date usually disappears from my life.
Overall, I need to get to know someone a little bit before I'm naturally touching, being playful, and/or doing light teasing.
Even if there is attraction really early on, I still tend to take my time. Although I sometimes would do well to move a bit faster, I think moving slower is a good approach for anyone looking for a long term, committed relationship. Why?
1. You'll have a better sense of your date's boundaries if you move slower.
2. Any joking or teasing you do would be less risky because you know more about your date. (A poorly timed joke or light tease on the wrong subject can sometimes kill a first or second date.)
3. With more trust developed, it's simply easier to be elevate the level of intimacy.
What I just wrote might seem logical, but probably flies in the face of much of the advice being given out there. There's so much emphasis these days on moving quickly, and learning skills and approaches designed to make you quickly and easily stand out from the crowd. Which to me just plays into the high pressured, consumer-like atmosphere of modern dating, something I'm trying - in my own little ways - to counteract.
How's flirting work for you? And what do you struggle with?