Monday, November 28, 2011
Battle of the Sexes
Nearly twenty years ago, John Gray's Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus arrived in bookstores and promptly left in shopper's bags by the droves. While it by no means started what might be called the "battle of the sexes," it typifies that approach to relationships.
This is the basic narrative. Men and women are totally different. Here's how they are. And for the heterosexual folks out there, here's how you might solve the problems you are having.
Some people argue it's all about biology. Others argue it's all about culture and societal norms.
What they almost all tend to do, though, is minimize or deny individual differences.
If you want to be a conscious dater, and live a conscious, awake relationship, it's really important to steer clear of the noise. And much of the battle of the sexes is just that: noise.
I'm all for studying how cultural gender norms impact individuals. Or how biological differences might lead men and women to act differently.
However, none of that can make up for paying attention to, and deeply learning about, the person you are with.
In other words, addressing any problems you are having, whether on a first date, or ten years into a marriage, requires sticking to your current context.
Where are you coming from? Where is the other person coming from? What now?
It's easy to let external noise dictate your life. Don't go there.