Tuesday, October 11, 2011
A Dating Suggestion to the Deeply Frustrated
So, you've done the work on yourself to be ready and open for a relationship. You've tried every option and avenue you can think of. You been on countless dates with countless people and still, you're sitting here single.
May I suggest something? It's time to give up.
Specifically, give up the attachment you have to finding and having a committed partner in your life.
The way I see it, the effort of going on dates, trying out new ways to meet people, and opening space for dating and a potential new partner are all necessary ingredients. However, at the same time, none of that will necessarily lead you to getting that person you want into your life. And to push the idea above further, there's a point where focus on finding a partner slides into obsession.
In other words, sometimes more effort and mental energy are not at all what's needed - letting go completely is is what's needed. Because when you actually finally do that, you realize that it's all an ebb and flow and that letting go of your desire for relationship doesn't have to be some depressing finality, but that it's basically about admitting that you don't know. Don't know if doing anything else is needed. Or if it's going to happen or not eventually.
How can you find joy and satisfaction now, as you are? Not only is this attractive to other healthy, intelligent, creative people, but it's also an attractive way to live, period. But in my experience, it seems to require being ok with not knowing a lot. With learning to balance intelligent effort with some form of faith that it will all work out in the end.