Thursday, September 15, 2011

Where's the Effort?

Women often complain about receiving bland, one line messages from men on their online dating accounts. Having seen enough examples of these shown to me by female friends and others I know, I'm inclined to believe that said complaints are justified. Perhaps what some of you out there don't know is that men, too, experience the same thing. Probably not as often, given the imbalance in first contacts, but still it happens to us.

Here are two recent examples from my own profile.

This first one is responding to the top ten list I added for some humor in the profile.

"Does #4 mean u still have a tattoo on your chest?



That was the message. Cute, eh?
Here's another even less specific one.

"I like your profile so I thought I'd say "hello" :)"

Well, hello to you too.

Anyway, I think it's fairly obvious how uninspiring these kinds of e-mails are. The last one doesn't even ask me a question about my profile to respond to. Just as men who write things like "hey sexy" and "what's up?" don't inspire people to respond back, neither do cutesy one liners from women.

Even having a single relevant question, or speaking about a few shared interests, usually is all that's needed. And really, it doesn't take that long to do that. If all you can muster is a bland or cutesy one liner, you're probably better off not sending anything. That's how I see it anyway.


  1. I've gotten them even shorter...

    "Wanna chat?"
    "i likd ur profile"

    I feel dirty even writing those.

  2. Especially that last one. The whole texting one liners filled with text-speak is really unattractive.

  3. I've had a few of those, especially the "liked your profile" ones (not, thankfully, the txt spk ones, though).

    I typically do reply, but only with an effort to draw a proper message. For instance, the "profile" ones, I always ask, "What about my profile attracted you particularly?"

    I view it as a corollary of my general rule about the internet: "if there's a way to take it nicely, take it that way - the arseholes will soon leave no doubt about their nature." In this form, if the reply is just "oh, all of it", that's when I really lose interest.

  4. Up until a few weeks ago, I had a personal rule of always responding back to women who wrote me on my profiles. However, after this recent uptick in e-mails coming in, I started to realize why women who get a lot of e-mail choose to ignore the one liners.

  5. i have to agree with you, men have gotten lazier and fatter these last decades!

  6. I write bland one-liners. I guess I still do because it works just fine for me. On the flip side I do not mind getting them from guys. To me its just like someone walking up to me in a bar and saying "hi". It's just an invitation to respond. I actually feel bad for the guy who writes 3 paragraphs responding to things in my profile and I have zero interest in him. Of course if follow ups are one liners then yes I would stop replying.

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