Monday, August 29, 2011

Online Dating: Women and First Contact

I know I have a rule about not talking in real time about dating. But what I'm going to share is pretty general, but relevant enough to this blog to make for a decent post.

So, those who have read the blog for awhile know that I'm all about flexing gender roles. Doing something simply because I'm supposed to as a man, or expecting a woman to do something simply because she's a woman, just doesn't fly with me.

Well, I have had a recent flood of women sending first contact e-mails on my dating profiles. Before anyone gets too excited about this news, I have to say that the majority of them were women who I would have never contacted. In fact, it's hard to say what exactly drew two of them to write me, since we had nearly nothing in common. However, it was refreshing none the less. Nice to not be the one for a change composing the first e-mails and then wondering if any response would ever come.

For the record, I responded to everyone. One woman seemed a little too intent to meet me, suggesting we could still be "friends" after I said I didn't think we were a good match. Now, had we gone on a date and just not clicked romantically, I certainly would have been open to something like that. But responding "let's be friends then" to a two line rejection e-mail from a stranger seems a little off to me somehow. Especially given that I wasn't sure if we'd even have much to talk about, given the wide differences in our profiles.

Overall, though, I was glad to be on the other end of the contact equation. Perhaps more women are realizing that given how many of us are doing online dating these days, just sitting back and waiting for the inbox to fill might not cut it anymore.


  1. You say the majority of emails were from women you never would have contacted. Why is that? Why do you think they chose to write to you?

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  3. "Why is that?" Because we seemed to have little in common. I didn't get the sense our goals in life were anywhere near close to the same. I guess when you read someone's profile and then wonder what you'd talk about over drinks or dinner, that's not a good sign.

    "Why do you think they chose to write to you?"
    Maybe they found what I had to say interesting and different from the average guy. That's happened in the past - having women attracted to the fact that I'm not like the 300 other guys whose profiles they just read. (I have had a few women actually tell me exactly this.)

    Beyond that, I do know that since I added some humor to the profile, I have had more positive responses in general. So, perhaps they thought I was funny?

    Or maybe they liked my photo? Having looked at lists of guy profiles with family and friends also doing online dating, it's clear that men don't seem to put as much effort into having decent pictures as women.

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  5. Dating sites are not new in our society and the impact they are making since their coming. Now I think that dating has become the most important part of everyone’s life, if you see like millions of people are adding to these dating sites for fee and doing enjoyment.

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  7. Instead of waiting for emails from women, why not find the women that you might like on that dating site and send them email yourself? At least it was your choice.

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