Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Warning Signs on the First Date



Over at the blog The Wrong Fish is a short list of warning signs that your date isn't that into you, or isn't someone who you'll want to be with. She only offers three signs: avoiding answering questions, punctuality, and cell phone-itis. So, I thought I would add some more. I'm writing from the perspective of a man dating women, but you could probably apply these to any gender combination.

1. Frequently glancing at her watch.

Perhaps she's got an appointment to get to afterwards, or some family function to go to. However, the vast majority of my experience has been that when a woman is frequently watching the watch, she's not interested.

2. Physically moving away from you as the date goes on.

You've probably experienced this one before. The slow shifts backwards in her chair. The moving her hands away from the table. The quick walking away from you as the date ends to avoid a hug or kiss. Even the most shy person tends to do something to move closer to touching a person they are interested in. It might just be a leaning in during the conversation, but it's there if you pay attention.

3. Lack of eye contact.

If you aren't looking into each others' eyes at least some of the time, there's probably something wrong. Even on active dates, like playing a game together or dancing at a concert, there are opportunities for that kind of connection. And people who are into each other tend to take those opportunities.

4. Constantly arguing with or disagreeing with you.

This one is a bit trickier to work with. I know some people enjoy and even thrive on debating, and view it as sexy and attractive. I definitely have a debating streak in me and love a good volleying of ideas back and forth. But if an entire date revolves around that, I'd question any future with that person. I actually went on two dates over the winter with a woman who seemed to question every other word I said. Some of it was testing to see how I'd react, and some of it was that we just didn't see eye to eye on certain issues. But after two dates of that, I felt pretty exhausted. I love a smart woman who can hold her own intellectually. In fact, without that, I tend to lose interest. However, this situation felt like a competition, not a possible romance.

5. Too much talk about Ex's.

This is especially true if there appears to be a lot of hostility towards the Ex or Ex's, or if they seem to be still longing for an Ex. I have been on both sides of that coin, and it's basically a guarantee that the other person is going to be, at most, a rebound candidate.

What would you add these lists, and why?

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