Saturday, July 16, 2011

Online Dating E-mail Scenerio

The other day, I received an e-mail from a woman who saw my online profile. She saw that I was a yoga practitioner and doing a yoga teacher training, and decided to write me. It was nice to be contacted by a woman, given that I probably am the one sending out first messages 90% of the time.

Anyway, I went to her profile and noticed we didn't have a lot in common. However, since she didn't actually write a lot, I figured it would be worth seeing where a conversation might go anyway. In the past, I have ended up dating women who initially hadn't written much about themselves, but upon talking with them, we found there plenty to talk about.

So, I wrote her back, asking her a few questions based on what I did read about her. A day later, I received a two sentence reply about how she loves "hot yoga" and thinks I should try it. Nothing else. No questions for me about my profile, nor anything else I had written.

Now, the way I see it, if you don't have any questions to as someone after a single e-mail, it's probably not a good sign. Maybe she's just looking for an e-mail buddy to chat about yoga with. Maybe she decided my response wasn't what she wanted to hear, and just offered that reply as a way to close the conversation. Or maybe it's something else entirely.

In any event, I'm letting it go. This has happened before to conversations I have initiated as well. A few messages sent back and forth, and then the questions stop coming, and the answers become more clipped and forced, as if the person on the other end is just trying to be nice, or perhaps is dating others and doesn't want to lead you on, but can't quite let go.

Have you had experiences like this? What did you do?


  1. Yep. Been there, done that. I always just quit responding. No sense investing time in an annoying situation.

  2. I think she probably isn't a very good conversationalist over email and it shows. It becomes like pulling teeth to get anything out of them. i usually just stop responding also.

  3. Yeah, I thought about that Chuck. Might be totally right. But you'd think if she was at all interested, she would have been able to come up with some question, any question to ask? It's not like we'd been e-mailing back and forth for days on end.

    I offer a lot in my profile, partly so that there's something for women to strike a conversation with me about.

    Maybe she just hasn't done online dating before, and so hasn't had to keep a dialogue going long enough to get a date.

  4. Do you know if she was born in the US and whether English is her native language?

    The reason I ask is that I'm having a similar issue with someone I've been talking to for a while. We met once in person, and I was physically attracted to him, but we just can't seem to maintain a conversation. Whether it's by email or in person, he always responds with what I call conversational dead-ends. Talking to him is so much work.

    I think it's because English is not his native language, since he doesn't come across as someone who is not interested in me, just someone who doesn't know how to keep things going.

  5. Well, I have a history of dating women from other countries, and I also spent over a decade teaching English as a Second Language. My eyes and ears, as such, are pretty tuned in to second language speakers and writers. In fact, I can probably roll with that and keep conversations going better than the average person.

    Anyway, she said she grew up in Vermont, so I'm guessing that wasn't the issue.

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  7. It really happens most of the time in online dating that women will add a guy or send him e-mails because she saw something in the guy's profile that is of her interest. I say that you need to have patience in dealing with this kind of women. Just keep on sending her e-mails and I tell you if she feels that you really wanted to get to know her more then she might end up conversations about yoga and instead would send you questions about your profile and anything about you personally.

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